


Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt

by LadyNikita



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Nightmares, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Past Abuse, a bit of angst, hope its any good, i guess we just gotta accept it, this fic is not planned at all, this is not what i planned but thats what came out so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 23:56:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20236495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNikita/pseuds/LadyNikita
Summary: This fic just kinda went off on its own, I'm just a leaf in the stream of creation, in this case rather fingers typing on the keyboard in the stream of what my mind makes me write once in a blue moon. Anyways first there's a lot of comfort cause the boys are hurt and awkward and they just need some love and then Dirk sees someone he did not expect to see ever again and has some Doubts.





	Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> I am a mess, this is the first thing I wrote in Ages and I'm quite happy with it? At least with the first part. I don't take responsibility for the second part, it is late and it is very much not proofread. So.. have fun XD

It was a calm, silent night. The sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly, accompanying the moon in its full silver beauty. The ground was covered in snow and everything around was already asleep. Even the occasional whiffs of wind tried to be as quiet as possible, not to wake the world.  
Dirk moved in his sleep and groaned quietly. His face contorted as horrors from his past flashed before his eyes in a well-crafted nightmare that his mind had prepared for him. His body shook, covered in sweat as he curled himself up in the covers.  
Everything was still quiet.  
His eyes fluttered open. He found his breath stuck in his lungs as tears streamed down his face. It took him a second to realize where he was. He slowly let out a shaking breath and blinked. He was safe. He was home.  
His muscles were still stiff and he didn't risk any movement until he was absolutely sure he was alone in the room. He stayed curled up in the bed, covered in cold sweat, quietly crying into his pillow.  
Suddenly he heard a loud bang and Todd screaming.  
He didn't need anything more to get him to forget his nightmare and rush to Todd's room, quickly wiping the tears from his cheeks.  
He opened the door to find Todd on the floor, leaned against the wall, crying and screaming, while holding his right hand with terror in his eyes.  
"Todd- Todd, you're alright," he caught his shoulder and looked around. He found the medication bottle on the nightstand and reached for it. "Here, here, just- take this," he handed the pill to Todd's shaking hand. He kneeled beside him and hugged him, whispering softly.  
Finally Todd stopped screaming and closed his eyes, visibly exhausted.  
"Are you okay?" Dirk asked.  
"Yeah, I'm- I'm alright," Todd rubbed his face. "I'm sorry."  
"Don't be silly, you have nothing to be sorry about," Dirk rubbed his back.  
"I didn't mean to wake you up," Todd opened his eyes and sighed with relief finding that his hands aren't covered in blood. "What time is it?"  
"You didn't wake me up, actually," Dirk tilted his head and regretted saying that. He didn't really want Todd to know he had a nightmare. "I woke up earlier, for some reason."  
"Maybe the universe wanted you to be awake for this," Todd laughed slightly and looked at Dirk. He frowned. "Wait, were you crying?"  
Dirk let go of Todd and got up, wiping the remaining of his tears.  
"No," he said with the confidence of a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "You should go back to sleep, Todd. Get some rest."  
"No, wait," Todd stood up, still frowning. "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing. Fine-ness," Dirk said indirectly and turned around. Todd managed to catch his hand though. Dirk looked at it and suddenly tears welled up in his eyes. Something about this gesture was so... soft and caring. Todd wasn't using force to stop him. He was holding his hand softly and his eyes glistered with worry.  
"You know you can talk to me." That was more of a statement than a question. Dirk nodded, his throat too tight to produce sound. He swallowed and breathed deeply.  
"It was just a nightmare. Nothing of importance. Don't worry," he tried to smile but that was a rather failed attempt.  
"Okay," Todd seemed calmer but he didn't let go of Dirk's hand. Dirk himself didn't take it either; he was rather enjoying the contact, if he was being honest. He shot a glance at Todd, who looked as if he was wandering whether to say something or not.  
"Todd?" Dirk asked promptly. Todd took a deep breath.  
"Do you want- I mean, after the nightmare and all that- I thought maybe you'd like- You'd want company or- You know, you can-," Dirk raised his eyebrows and Todd sighed frustrated. "You can stay here if you want. For the rest of the night. If you want. Of course."  
Dirk starded at Todd for a moment, finding himself lost for words.  
"Nah, nevermind, it's probably stupid, forget it-," Todd backed out and let go of Dirk's hand, visibly embarassed. He avoided to look at Dirk's face, crossed and rubbed his arms as if he was suddenly cold.  
"No, Todd, that's- that's not stupid at all," Dirk shook his head and smiled. "I would actually appreciate the company, I think. So if you really don't mind..."  
Todd nodded and they both jumped under the covers. Saying it was awkward would be an understatement. Dirk laid straight on his back, perfectly still, not wanting to invade Todd's space. Todd laid on his side, facing Dirk, but tried not to look at his face too much, not to be intrusive. Finally, when he ran out of spots to stare at and coming to a conclusion that what he's doing is stupid, he closed his eyes, expecting to fall asleep. But he found himself less sleepy than before. He listened to Dirk's quiet and steady breath and felt the warmth of his body next to him. He carefully cracked his eyes open and peeked at Dirk's face. His eyes were closed and he seemed calm. Todd smiled slightly and gently put his hand on his shoulder. He let it rest there, slowly stroking Dirk's arm with his thumb. Todd felt the need to cuddle to him and feel closer to him. He needed to kiss his neck gently and, with his presence, fight off any nightmares that he may have. He desperately wanted to stroke Dirk's skin and make him feel safe in his arms. He'd almost done it. But he couldn't, he knew he couldn't. He didn't know if that's what Dirk wanted; he couldn't just assume things like that.  
Suddenly Dirk opened his eyes, which didn't seem sleepy at all. Todd's heart speeded up.  
"Do you always creepily watch people sharing a bed with you?" Dirk whispered.  
Todd faltered but Dirk chuckled.  
"No worries. I live and let live. Are you okay?" He asked more seriously.  
"Yeah," Todd laughed, looking down. His hand was still on Dirk's shoulder but he didn't seem to mind. "Couldn't sleep."  
"Me neither," Dirk sighed. "It's probably something to do with the moon. If I recall correctly, it was full tonight."  
"Why does that matter?" Todd raised his eyebrows. Dirk looked at him intensly.  
"Maybe you're a werewolf."  
Todd snorted.  
"Shit, you've uncovered me. My meticulously hidden secret!"  
Dirk grinned widely at him. "Solved it!"  
Todd tilted his head back and laughed. Still smiling, he reached for his phone and checked the time. Almost 5 am. Plus three missed calls from his mom and two from dad. His heart sunk at that sight and his smile faded. Amanda must have gotten around to calling them and telling them the truth.  
"So, what time is it?" Dirk pulled him out of thought.  
"Almost 5 am, we can actually get up now," Todd said sitting up. He unlocked his phone and noticed a text from Farah saying that she won't be at work today. Todd felt a chin on his shoulder and found Dirk looking above it at his phone.  
"Is that Farah? What's she saying?"  
"She's meeting with Tina and Hobbs today, so we're on our own."  
"Ooh, do you think they'll do something interesting?" Dirk wondered.  
Todd acknowledged that their faces were literal milimeters apart yet Dirk didn't seem to mind a personal space. Todd had to physically stop himself from kissing him right there. It's like he's asking for it, Todd thought.  
"Let's go make some breakfast, shall we?" Dirk jumped on his feet, somehow full of his on-brand energy. Todd followed him to the kitchen and watched him trying to decide whether to make pancakes or eggs.  
"Because look, pancakes are the best comfort food and I think we both need a lot of comfort after a rough night, so I think we should congratulate ourselves on the behalf of the universe for doing all the hard work, but on the other hand, eggs are good and, well, good for your body, mind and soul, eggs are a perfect start to the day-"  
Todd sighed dramatically and rubbed his face to hide the fact that he was actually laughing.  
"I need coffee."  
They finally settled on pancakes, because, as it turned out, they do also happen to have eggs as an ingredient, which satisfied Dirk. Todd watched him with raised eyebrows as he poured milk in his tea.  
"I still don't understand how you can drink that," he said.  
"Look, I come from a totally different place," Dirk pointed out, putting the milk carton on the table and stirring his tea, "and they have something called taste there."  
"But it's disgusting!" Todd watched with outrage as Dirk took a sip.  
"I'm sorry that you're so limited, Todd." He looked at him with indulgence. "You just lack the higher understanding of-," he trailed off, looking out the window. His expression changed; he seemed worried.  
"What happened?" Todd asked and turned around, following Dirk's gaze, but he got up and turned to the stairs.  
"I need to go."  
"Dirk- Wait, Dirk!" Todd followed him downstairs and out of the Agency. Dirk walked over to the space visible from the window in their living room to see an older man sitting on the bench.  
"What are you doing here?" Dirk shouted, accusingly. The man looked up at him.  
"Svlad...," he said quietly. "We need to talk."  
"You know that's not my name." Dirk blinked, feeling water in his eyes. "You should not be here."  
The man got up and Dirk took a step back. Todd looked from one man to another and stepped closer to Dirk. He had a bad feeling about this.  
"Dirk. I need to talk to you. Alone." His eyes shifted to Todd. Dirk shot a glance at him.  
"What is there to talk about? It's all over, done. Let me go," his voice trembled. The man's eyebrows rippled, as if in worry.  
"You know it's never really over, is it?" His voice sounded gently, as his took a step forward, pulling his arm out to signal a lack of bad intentions. Dirk did not recoil. "Just let me have a word with you, Dirk. I promise I don't want to hurt you."  
Dirk swallowed. He looked at Todd and opened his mouth to say something.  
"No way," Todd stopped him and stepped before him. "This is the man from Blackwing, right? I am not leaving you alone with him."  
"I mean, it's just- it's just an innocent conversation, right-?" Dirk looked around, bemused.  
"No. Way." Todd looked him in the eye. He turned around to face the man. "Blackwing doesn't exist anymore. Dirk is not one of your projects anymore and you can't just- invade his life-"  
"Todd," Dirk spoke up and put a hand on his shoulder. His voice was weird. Left an uncomfortable and heavy feeling in Todd's stomach. He turned around to see Dirk biting his lip, looking at the man. "Please go back inside. I will handle this."  
"But Dirk-"  
"Just go," he shook his head, still not looking at him.  
Todd felt something sting in his heart. He swallowed and pursed his lips.  
"Fine." He made his way to the Agency, looking back a couple times.  
Dirk stood there as if he'd been rooted to the spot, staring at Riggins, who sighed. He followed Todd with his gaze and when he made sure that he disappeared in the Agency building, he turned his eyes onto Dirk again.  
"So what do you want?" Dirk asked.  
"Why did you agree to talk to me?" Riggins answered with a question. "I thought you didn't wanna see me."  
"Because-" Dirk's throat was too dry to make sound. "Because you're the only person who might maybe have some answers."  
"Answers?" Riggins raised his eyebrows. "To what?"  
"Who- what am I?" Dirk's eyes watered again. "This- This thing that I do, how do I- Can I control it? I mean, have you discovered _anything_ when you've been wasting so many years of my life-" His voice gave out.  
Riggins made his way to him and carefully put his hand on his arm.  
"That's why I wanted to talk to you, Dirk," he said gently. "Sit down with me."  
He led him to the bench and they sat down. Riggins still had his hand on Dirk's shoulder.  
"Look, I've given my life to this project. To find out what you can do and what it all means," he said.  
"Yes, by manipulating me and the others into locking us in cages for years," Dirk couldn't control the trembling of his voice as well as his tears that were streaming down his face now. Riggins sighed deeply and shook his head.  
"We were going about this all wrong. I admit, locking you in cages was a mistake." He looked Dirk in the eyes. "But I know you want to know what you can do. I know you want to know who you are. And you can't do that by- playing a detective," a bit of a condescending tone slipped into his voice. Dirk looked down; he now looked exactly like an ashamed child that had done something wrong. "I'm not giving up on this, Dirk. I believe that together we can understand what's going on. I just need you to work with me, that's all." He rubbed his back.  
Dirk shook his head and sniffled.  
"No, no- It's- You never cared about any of us. You just want to lock us up, like some scientific experiments-"  
"Haven't you been listening to me, Dirk?" Riggins put his hands on Dirk's cheeks, making him look him in the eye and wiping his tears. "I don't want to lock you up anywhere. Blackwing is done. But you're still here. And I'm not giving up on the research I've been making my whole life-"  
Suddenly the wind rose and a newspaper hit Riggins in the face - surprisingly hard. It then changed first into some kind of a big bird who screamed horrifically at him to finally take the shape of Mona Wilder in her human form.  
"Get out of here," she said. "Get out of here before I change into something deadly."  
"Mona, we can talk-"  
"No, Riggins, we cannot." She pulled her finger out, pointing at him. "You're a bad man. Bad man. Go away. We don't want you here anymore. We're doing great without you."  
Riggins got up putting both of his hands up.  
"I'm not an enemy of yours, Mona. I'm on your side."  
"No," she shook her head decisively. "No, no, no. You have played your part and it is over. Go away."  
Riggins sighed looking at her desperately. She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. Riggins shook his head and muttered "Fine", then turned and walked away. Mona looked after him for a while to make sure he doesn't turn around.  
"Are you okay, Dirk?" She finally asked. She sat by his side and looked at his face. His eyes were red from crying and his cheeks were stained with tears. He seemed to be lost, thinking about something intensly.  
"I- I don't know."  
Mona took his hands in hers and laid her head on his shoulder.  
"He's not a good man. He wouldn't help you. You know this."  
Dirk just nodded silently, still staring blankly into the air.  
"And yet, you're having doubts," Mona pointed out.  
"I am," Dirk sighed, letting his head fall down. "I can't help but think- What if I could achieve more by going with him? If I fully understood my abilities-"  
"Do you really think _he_ would help you fully understand it, though?" Mona tilted her head, looking at him. "This is the universe you're talking about. And he's just a man. What does he know."  
Dirk looked at her dumbfounded.  
"You're right," he whispered. He blinked and energetically wiped the tears from his face. "You're right!"  
Mona grinned and nodded.  
"He's just an ordinary man, when you really look at this, he's not, like, smarter than everyone else. How can he promise me something when he already promised people the same things so many times and couldn't deliver? You're right, Mona, I get it! We would never be able to really understand it, I mean, how could _we_ be able to understand the _universe_, right? I just have to keep believing, I already know more or less how it works-" Dirk laughed. "Thank you, Mona, you truly are a gift to the world."  
"Always here for you, Dirk," she hugged him. "But maybe next time, we could be something else than human. I don't like this form."  
"Of course, change to whatever you like. Let's go back home, shall we?"  
***  
In the meantime, Todd cleaned up the table after breakfast and was now doing some paperwork on the computer. He looked out the window a couple of times to check if everything was fine and he saw how Mona scared the man away. He couldn't help but smile at that. He still couldn't really believe she was just. Existing in the Agency with them as random objects and he never knew where she was. Dirk however always seemed to see the difference.  
Todd made some tea when he saw Dirk coming back with a colorful umbrella in his hand. When he came in he shot a glance at Todd, put the umbrella by the wall and whispered some things to it. I don't know how to imagine or describe it either, but the umbrella laughed as an answer.  
Dirk made his way to the kitchen and thankfully accepted a cup of hot tea that Todd handed him.  
"Todd, listen-," he started but Todd cut him off.  
"No, don't worry." Todd looked away. "My fault, I shouldn't have said that, it wasn't my business."  
Dirk's eyes widened.  
"Not your business?" He asked. "Look, after everything I have done to get you to work the case of Patrick Spring with me, you have every right to call that, or anything really, your business. And I'm the one that should apologize. You were right and- I'm not- I just had some final doubts I needed to get rid of. So- I'm sorry."  
Todd blinked.  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
"About-?"  
"The doubts."  
"Nah, it's fine." He shook his head and smiled. "Mona had a great perspective on all of this."  
He turned around to nod to the umbrella but it was already gone.  
"Do you think she's watching us?" Todd whispered.  
"Oh, don't be silly, Todd," Dirk rolled his eyes. "She has a life of her own, she's not a bloody spy."  
He then turned around to sit at his desk, but Todd noticed him winking at a fly on the wall.

**Author's Note:**

> There May be a continuation for this but I promise nothing XDDD  
Goodnight <3


End file.
